Great Morning Team,
Two weeks ago, I experienced a conflict with one of my peers. All is well now, but it was not fun going through the experience. I learned a great deal about myself and my colleague. We learned how each of us are “wired”: Our behaviors, natural tendencies, and our needs; and in the end, we both became more self-aware with a sense of gratitude through it all. We were both able to admit our shortcomings, our challenges, recognize and express appreciation for each other’s strengths and voice openly where we both needed to grow. Ironically, we discovered through our conversation, we both needed more of each other’s strengths. Sounds like the perfect growth conversation, right? And it was…the second time around.
I would love to share that our initial conversation went well… It didn’t. It was messy, and it was MY own myopic doing. I was faced with some ambiguity in a situation, and as a result, anxiety kicked in and I was unable to let go of what I didn’t understand, which fueled some assumptions. (NOT my finest moment for sure.) I have learned, once again, that time can be a wonderful thing. It allows you to slow down, gain perspective, and eventually see the bigger picture, when you cannot see it immediately. Beyond the gift of time, I utilized the gift of our No Fault Formula communication model before that second meeting, and it made a significant difference. Aside from organizing my thoughts and placing the details of the situation into the appropriate sections, it was the suggested questions written in “ the fine print” that made the biggest difference for me.
Each of these questions are carefully and intentionally designed to create psychological safety within the framework. For example, the suggested questions in the “ME” column refrain from using the word “YOU” at all. It is crafted so that neutral language can be used to minimize defensiveness in the conversation. This is especially helpful when preparing to provide feedback and/or engage in a difficult conversation. The element of curiosity positioned in the questions of the “THEM” section, forces us to think about making the choice to be curious rather than judgmental.
In my own experience, after I read through the questions, I began to think differently. My mindset shifted. Insight into the bigger picture emerged. It wasn’t only what I wanted and needed for myself. It was so much more. It was how I wanted my colleague and I to BE. In the end, I remembered the “WE” is always far more important than the “I”, as relationships are everything.
I am thankful for being able to see the bigger picture through “the fine print”, and most importantly for the generosity and grace of my colleague who not only accepted my apology but wanted to engage in the opportunity WITH me for that “second time around”; where each of us chose to be humble, vulnerable, enabling us to learn and to grow from each other, and in the end to resolve our conflict. Our “Do-Over.”
How has working with the No Fault Formula shifted you? What have you discovered when experimenting with the questions written in “the fine print”? We would love to hear about your experiences in the comments section below.
Wishing you all a Better We, Better Week! 😊
Lori Beth
