Inspired by Cole’s discussion of “Turning Resilience into Endurance” at the All- Hands meeting last week, I would like to share a personal story: My 15 year old son, Adam and I just returned last week from the North America International Pokémon Competition, held in New Orleans. It was an incredible experience, and as a bonus, our events were indoors, which meant a major escape from the traditional hot and humid summer weather of “The Big Easy.”
The Trading Card Game (TCG) competition ran from Friday through Sunday, IF competitors made it through the qualifier of the first day. Unfortunately, Adam didn’t. He had some unfavorable matchups, and the deck took longer to set up, resulting in him having to play all three games for every single one of the nine, 50 minute rounds+ time extensions. That’s 27 games for about 9 hours long with only about a 5 minute break in-between rounds. In the end, Adam had a record of 3-2-4 (3 wins, 2 losses and 4 ties). Adam had been studying for finals and Regents exams for weeks, which consumed most of his time, leaving very little room for coaching and deck-testing. While he was frustrated with the deck he played, he never lost his positive attitude. He enjoyed meeting new people, remained persistent and resilient, never giving up, and played his heart out. I could not have been prouder.
At the end of the last round, he packed up his deck box and playmat and looked at me with sadness and said, “I am so sorry Mom… I am sorry I wasted your money.” I stopped dead in my tracks and looked directly into his eyes and said, “I am so proud of you. I am proud that you never gave up, remained positive, and persevered despite every challenge. You have nothing to be sorry for.” I then provided the bigger picture. I went on to explain that nothing was wasted. It was all about intentionally creating special meaningful moments together…win, lose or draw; creating amazing memories with the “big yellow mouse.” I could feel his sense of relief in the many hugs that ensued after our talk. The following days he occupied himself with side events, and a good deal of shopping at the Pokémon Center. He met great people, made a few new friends, and in those new connections, realized he was not the only one who struggled in the tournament.
On the plane ride home, he talked about the challenges of each of his matchups, and how he attempted to adjust his strategies, learning something new and applying it to the next game. I then shared with Adam all the pictures and videos I captured throughout the event. His eyes filled with joy, as he thanked me for an amazing weekend. More hugs. More tears. More laughter. It was at that moment that he understood the bigger picture of the real wins: He realized he showed up with a positive, growth mindset. He endured and persevered with enormous mental toughness, facing a challenging day where things most certainly did not go his way, but never gave up for a moment. In addition, he understood that this entire experience was also about the quality time we spent together.
It’s now a week later, and the final big win sank in for him, and for us to see as parents… He is more motivated and tenacious than I have seen in a long time, building new decks and testing them daily…for hours. Part of a growth mindset is getting up again, when knocked down, questioning what went wrong and experimenting with how to make things better, which is exactly what he is continuing to do. The failure he experienced is only temporary in his mind, not permanent.
When I think about Cole’s presentation, what resonated for me most was the idea that endurance is made up of many attributes of resilience, and in this case for my son, it was his positivity, grit, growth mindset and connections that made all the difference, enabling him to go the distance. When we can embrace each of these attributes, we create the space to face our challenges as we strive for excellence. We are also able to enjoy and appreciate the people and things that matter most in life through it all. These connections, and the meaning-making create our community of Home and help us achieve the balance we need to be able to endure the everyday stresses and challenges and help us gain perspective as well.
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What attributes of resiliency resonate most for you? Which of these do you rely on most to enable you to go the distance and get through the toughest challenges time after time? We would love to hear your thoughts and experiences in the comments below.
On a final note, speaking of connections: These pictures speak louder and more poignantly than any of my words ever could to describe the wonderful memories Adam and I created together.
Wishing you all a Better We, Better Week! 😊
Lori Beth
