Better We, Better Week- Mindfulness Matters: Living Along Side of Grief

In a conversation with Sean years ago, he presented a mindset shift for me to consider. At the time, I was having difficulty managing through some personal limitations, given the progressive, rare and incurable disease of my lungs, Non-CF Bronchiectasis, Cystic Fibrosis’ “sister.” Sean suggested the idea of “living along side of grief.” I didn’t fully understand it at the time, and I even thought to some degree the concept was somewhat unattainable. I didn’t get the “how.”  After an unexpected trip to the ER last week, due to 4 consecutive days of fever, chills, lungs raging and fighting for air, and some post-hospital reflection, it all became quite clear to me.

I had spent 6 hours in the ER that night. Any time I get these flare-ups, in addition to the environment of being in a hospital, it deeply connects me to my own mortality, and grief returns for my own situation. And yet, as I began to pay attention to my surroundings, I realized I was not alone. There were many who had challenges that were just as or more so complex. Perspective. For example, there was the elderly man in an area next to me, who fell in his nursing home, then rushed to the hospital and couldn’t remember what was asked of him 5 minutes ago. He had no knowledge of his surroundings, and had no family nearby to support him. Then there was the woman across from me, who developed serious complications from smoking 3-4 times a day for most of her life. Her son was seated next to her, whimpering, “Mom, you’re all I have left.”

Everyone has their own trials and their own grief. The “living along side of it” as I have just discovered, is dialectical. It’s a tricky balance of grief, courage and a positive mindset. It’s acknowledging and giving ourselves permission to grieve for our own legitimate circumstances AND not forecasting the future. It’s choosing to move to a place of mindfulness, staying and living in the present: “This is where I am now, and I don’t know, and it’s ok to not know what tomorrow, 10 years, or 30 years from now will bring.” The present IS a present – A gift. A gift to be alive, a gift to be surrounded by family and friends who love me and an incredible work environment with amazing people that support me every day. And on that note, in a more recent conversation with Sean, he reminded me, that the invitation to “live along side of grief,” is also so we can also allow ourselves to experience, joy, happiness, openness, and more, so that grief doesn’t control all. It remains dialectical. Joy AND grief. It means in the end, grief doesn’t have ALL of me. In theory I had initially missed this, but luckily in practice I hadn’t. I experience joy and happiness daily with family, friends, and I love to “DO”, where everyday is a new adventure, except when moments like last week ground me. Moving forward though, those moments won’t ground ALL of me. (Thank you, Sean.)

I am thankful for these difficult lessons learned, finally understanding HOW to live along side of grief in an authentic way, enabling me to choose to be mindful and live life fully in the present moment; a gift I will never take for granted.

Enclosed is a great article, “Meditation and Mindfulness in Grief,” written by Mary Friedel- Hunt, MA, LCSW, where she shares her own personal story of how mindfulness can truly help us in grief. Included in this article is a self-guided mediation, audios, videos, articles and books of some great meditation resources as well, here.

What were your most recent lessons-learned that have shifted your mindset? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

Wishing you all a Better We, Better Week! 😊

Lori Beth